i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
