ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
