what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
