cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
