you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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