I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just invented taco cereal.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
