Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
