that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
