I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
