just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
