May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
