he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize