It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
