everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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