..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
