just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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