I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
