Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
