i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
