how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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