Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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