I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
