Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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