So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
