I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
