I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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