as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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