We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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