OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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