ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
