One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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