At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
