you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
