does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
