me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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