how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
