I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
