i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So much rum. So many feels.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Im part way to drunk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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