If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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