I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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