glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
