trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
