she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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