no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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