Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
