I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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