Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
