there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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