Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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