These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
