please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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