the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is Oprah even human
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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