Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
