So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
