i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
