i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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