I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
