Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Let's paint friendship bongs
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
