so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
