She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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