forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
