Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
