considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
