so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
