I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
