Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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