Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Are we still banned from the library?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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