I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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