Got a toothbrush?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
