Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
