M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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