At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
