Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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