I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
