We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
