we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Randomize
