I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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