And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
