She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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