Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
