we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize