How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
