I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
