and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
