We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
