We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sorry about my life...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My vagina is very pro this idea
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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