wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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