im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
