the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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